The Phrases from My Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to talk between men, who continue to absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."