🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more. Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist is a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.